holding our breath while we touch
by PanicWithAsh
Summary: "What's on your mind?" Dean asks, bringing the half-burnt cigarette back to his lips to take another long drag. / Seth gives a shrug at first, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say without Dean thinking he was being mushy. Dean hated when it got to the point where emotions might be getting involved. / Filled for a prompt on tumblr. / Ambrollins AU.


_Disclaimer: The author is in no way, shape, or form in any form of association with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), any of the wrestlers mentioned in this story, or anything else. I just wrote the thing. Please enjoy._

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Moonlight casted down onto the fire escape of Seth's shitty apartment complex where they sat, feet dangling from the space where too many of the railing's bars were missing. Dean was clad in nothing but his boxers, a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips as he leans back on his hands, puffing out smoke every now and again from the drags he took. He was still damp with sweat, his muscled arms still shoving the scratches Seth's nails had left behind. Seth himself was clad in boxers and a muscle shirt that he still wasn't sure if it was his or Dean's, he had just plucked one off the floor.

It was past midnight, but Seth wasn't sure what the time was exactly. The clock had stopped being a concern when Dean came over, even if there were things that he needed to do come morning. Seth was leaned forward, wanting to be just a little closer to the stars that you could hardly see through the lights of the city, the density of the smog. He could feel Dean's eyes on him and he glances back, catching the blue gaze and giving a wide grin. Dean takes a long drag from his cigarette, but his eyes were sparkling. He sits up just a little so he could remove the cylinder from his lips, exhaling the smoke at Seth, causing the brunette to give him a nudge.

They've been friends for a long time now, him and Dean, and they had known each other even longer. Meeting in middle school, they could barely stand each other. They were on two different spectrums of the world at the time, it had felt. Dean was still dealing with some heavy shit that he didn't want to talk to anyone about and Seth was a little brat. By the time they got to high school and were placed in the same homeroom, they were both pretty lost and better than they had been. Somehow, they just kind of started talking and fitted together and never left the other's side.

Even when Seth had gotten a full ride to a college a few states over and had gone until he had gotten his Bachelor's, it was like things had never changed when Seth finally came back home. Except, in a way, things really _did_ change when Seth finally came back home. It was within the first six months of getting home and finding this shitty apartment – because Bachelor degrees apparently don't mean shit anymore – that he and Dean started this… _whatever it is_ they have going on.

They weren't _dating_ , that was for sure. They just kind of… _fucked_. One of them would get an itch and the other would scratch it, that kind of deal. _Friends with benefits_ is how Seth's friend Nikki had put it, with a quirk of a brow and a smirk on her lips. As much as Seth hated that term, it was probably one of the most accurate ways to put what was going on between them.

It had been going on for well over seven months now and it just… It worked. Seth had feared that he would be viewed as an _only when necessary_ type of thing to Dean and it would ruin their friendship, but if anything, it just… made them closer. To Seth's knowledge, Dean hasn't even been with anyone else besides Seth since this started. Besides that one part where they fucked, they everything was the same as it would be if they were just friends.

They went to bars together, they hung out in Seth's apartment and watched movies or played video games, they went to the gym together, they talked about work, they just kind of _hung out_. It didn't even feel awkward or forced. They didn't breathe down each other's necks and they just kind of enjoyed themselves.

Seth is pulled from his thoughts when Dean's fingers grasp at the tank top, tugging lightly. Seth is staring down at his own legs now, could feel his brows relaxing from whatever tense mess they had gotten into while he was thinking.

"What's on your mind?" Dean asks, bringing the half-burnt cigarette back to his lips to take another long drag. That's another thing they did. Talked about what was on their mind. No matter what it was, they would just… _talk_. Sometimes, it was harder than others, but they were friends; they trusted each other with their thoughts.

Seth gives a shrug at first, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say without Dean thinking he was being mushy. Dean hated when it got to the point where _emotions_ might be getting involved. There had been one time when Seth had mentioned how he wouldn't mind if they actually were in a relationship and Dean had backed off for a while. Seth didn't want that to happen again.

"Just thinking," Seth murmurs, giving another shrug before flashing an easy smile. "We've been doing this for a while. Just really glad that you and I became friends."

Dean tilts his head some, lips still pursed around the filter of the cigarette, just studying Seth. Seth plucks the cigarette from Dean's lips without comment, watching just a thin trail of smoke come from Dean's lips before Dean is exhaling again. Seth flicks the bud towards the street, watching it fall to the ground below. "Rude," is what Dean says, causing Seth to laugh despite himself. "Don't know why I put up with you."

"'Cause I've got a nice ass, a nice dick, and can keep up with you in the bar?" Seth offers, causing Dean to give a chuckle that turns into a soft cough. Seth's lips twitch, but he just turns to look back at the stars. The last time he tried to tell Dean to stop smoking, they'd gotten into an argument. Seth didn't want to try again.

Dean clears his throat after the coughing subsides and he's shifting around for a moment, Seth thinking he's going to go back inside through the window to get another cigarette. He doesn't, though, he just settles behind Seth and pulls him closer, wrapping muscled arms around him. His hand is pushing Seth's hair out of the way. Once it's to one side, he's pressing his face into Seth's neck, giving it a light kiss before he's breathing in slowly. "Those are definitely some reasons," Dean agrees, resting his chin over Seth's shoulder as they both look up at the stars.

This happened sometimes too. Seth just played it off as them being best friends, but it always made his chest ache as he realizes just how nice moments like these were. He rests his hands over Dean's, rubbing the pads of his fingers over the back of Dean's hands as silent falls around them.

Days pass after that, with Seth working harder each day to try and make sure he would be able to afford that month's rent and him and Dean barely having any time to chat. It was waking up every morning at 5AM and spending an hour working out before he's taking a shower and getting ready so he can leave by 6:30 to be the work by 7. Work until 3 on a day he gets off on time, work all the way up until 7 on a day he doesn't. Then he comes home, eats dinner, and looks for job listings until around midnight when he finally goes and passes out in his bed, repeating the next day.

Days end up turning into two weeks before Dean stops by and they're both desperate, not even making it past the couch. It was quick and hurried and everything that they both needed. The kiss shared afterwards wasn't, though; rushed, that is. It was soft and smooth, leaving them both feeling breathless, but they didn't talk about it afterwards.

When Dean left again, it was days before he even heard from him again, but when he did finally hear from him, it was bearing good news. There was a formal business nearby that was looking for workers who were willing to work their way up, starting pay better than anything Seth could dream for. It's where their mutual friend, Roman, had worked before he had gone off to another business, where he was now in charge. Seth _would_ work for Roman, but he was scared of how it might affect their friendship; Roman was scared of how other employees might treat Seth for being so close to the boss.

"Ro just says to write him in as one of your references and you should get the job. No ifs, ands, or buts about it," Dean is telling him and Seth really wishes he was standing there now because he would kiss him. This could be a real point in a turnaround.

It turned out that it was. Mr. Helmsley was more than welcoming to Seth when he saw who his references were and he got a call back after sending in his resume within days, setting up an interview. Seth felt like he was riding on cloud nine, nervous as hell before and during the interview, but it was only days after until he got a call back telling him he got the job.

He took no hesitation in telling his current job he was quitting, but they seemed to have known, because they didn't put up any fight. He had celebratory drinks with Dean and Roman that night, then went back to his apartment with Dean to further his celebration with soft kisses but rough touches. He wasn't surprised to see the next morning that he was littered with bruises from lips and fingertips. Dean looked the same way.

The job starts and it proves to be something that Seth _enjoys_. The bosses are nice, the co-workers are nice, he feels like he's actually doing something that means something… It's like it's the perfect time in his life, especially when he and Dean actually have more time to hang out now that Seth has a set schedule.

It was months going by of this happiness when Mr. Helmsley tells him that there was going to be a company event, raising money for some sort of charity, and he "couldn't wait to see his _plus one_." It throws Seth for a loop, because he wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about, until Mr. Helmsley is tapping at his own neck in a certain area. It takes Seth just a moment before his eyes are widening and cheeks reddening as he touches at his lower neck, right where Dean had been getting a bit out of hand that morning before Seth had gotten up.

As Mr. Helmsley walks away again, Seth is internally groaning, because this ultimately meant that he was either going to have to talk Dean into coming with him as his date, or he was going to have to find someone else to take as his date, _or_ he was going to have to tell his boss that his plus one is actually his friend with benefits. Option three was, of course, out of the question. Option two just sounded like a bad idea, because he wasn't sure how Dean would react. And option one… really seemed just as bad, but it was worth a shot, right?

Dean was already on Seth's couch when he walks through the door – Dean hated his own apartment a lot more than Seth hated his own. It was located in a worse part of town, was smaller, and the water always seemed to be cold. Seth didn't know why Dean didn't just move in, he was here half the time anyway. And when he wasn't here, he was at Roman's.

"Welcome home, dweeb," Dean calls from where he was on the couch, playing Crash Bandicoot, looking incredibly too focused.

"Thanks," Seth says, unsure of what else he was really supposed to reply with when this is the scene he walks in on. There's a soft ache in his chest and he's moving and plopping down on the couch with Dean, loosening his tie and watching the game on the television be played. "How has your off day been?"

"You need more milk," Dean says, as if that answers everything. Seth snorts to himself and loosens his tie, giving a soft sigh. Dean takes the liberty of pausing his game and looking over at Seth with a raised eyebrow. "How about you, Sethie? How was the princess's day?"

Seth looks over at him with a soft glare, but looks back down as he pulls the tie over his head, putting it on the coffee table. "I need to talk to you about something."

Just the words cause Dean to shut down some, Seth can feel it; a look over at him can confirm it. He was shutting himself out, preparing for something bad. "What's that?" He's asking, voice thick, dangerous.

Seth bites on the inside of his cheek for a moment, scratching at his beard, and then he clears his throat. "There's a charity event that work is going to be having," he starts out slowly, keeping his eyes pointedly away from Dean's face as he speaks, "And my boss said he couldn't wait to meet my _plus one_." He taps idly at the hickey on his neck, clearing his throat again. "So, I was wondering if you would be interested in coming with or if I need to find someone else. Because I don't want to try and explain that my plus one is actually my friend with benefits."

He's scared of looking at Dean for fear of what he might see. Dean is loosening some next to him though and giving a soft snort, like that wasn't at all what he had been expecting from the conversation. Seth looks over in confusion to see Dean arching a brow at him, as if he couldn't believe what Seth had said.

"You got me all worked up about a talk when all you had to say was you want me to dress up in some monkey suit to come with you to a party?" He asks in disbelief, giving Seth a strong nudge with his elbow. "Christ, I thought you were going to tell me you found some sucker at that place and this was done. Got me all scared. I'll go with you. Wouldn't make you have to find someone else. Problem is I don't have a suit."

"We'll rent you one," Seth is saying immediately, feeling like he was light as a cloud as he grins at Dean. That was much easier than he originally thought it would be. Maybe Dean was more open to the thought of him and Seth actually dating than he had been before. Seth wasn't going to be pushing that button again anytime soon, though. He knew better.

The days pass before the charity event pass quickly, between a heap of work he wished he didn't have to going after work nearly every day to get one thing or another. Renting Dean a suit, finding him a pair of shoes, finding a good tie when he didn't like any of Seth's, and then _grocery shopping_. Seth still doesn't know why Dean is even still paying for an apartment of his own when all he does is stay at Seth's place and eat his food. And have sex with Seth, of course. That was a definitely a good thing about having Dean over all the time, that was for sure.

Today was the mark of the charity even that would be starting just a few hours after Seth got off work. He just needed to get home, get himself and Dean both ready, and get them over to the building in which the charity event would be hosted. It sounded like it would be easy enough, and proved to be pretty much just as easy when he gets there to see that Dean was already awake and moving around. In fact, he looked kind of nervous as Seth comes through the door.

"Hey there," Dean greets, already moving from where he had been coming down the hallway to lay a kiss on Seth, his fingers closing around the band that held up his ponytail. Seth is kissing back easily as his ponytail is pulled out, his fingers stroking down Dean's face gently while fingers tangled into his freed locks. Dean pulls back, an easy smile on his lips now. "How was work?"

"Bearable," Seth answers, returning the smile without hesitation. "Mr. Helmsley is still looking forward to seeing you. I don't think there's been a day that's gone by that he hasn't mentioned it."

The easy smile on Dean's goes a bit shaky and he's removing his hand from Seth's hair, giving a little awkward grin now. "You think he's going to like me? Not that it matters if he does or not. Not like I'mma be working for him or anything. Just wondering how you think tonight's gonna go…"

Was Dean _really_ nervous about this? Seth arches a brow at him, smoothing his hands through Dean's unruly hair now. "I think he's going to like you. He likes a guy with a lot of personality. He'll probably know exactly who you are as soon as you say your name though, because I have no doubt that Roman talked about you a hundred times before."

That doesn't seem to put Dean at ease, for he just gives Seth a bit of a look. "You… haven't told him my name or anything?" He asks softly, brows creasing. "Does he even know I'm a guy or…?"

Seth shrugs slowly, biting his lip as he looks at Dean. "I… haven't explicitly told him, no. Is… that a problem?" He asks softly, hand still in Dean's hair.

Dean hesitates for a moment before he's shaking his head slowly. "No. Puts a bit more pressure on me, but I'll be okay. Should we start getting ready or eat something or…?"

After that, their evening goes by pretty quickly – especially when Dean's nerves become contagious. They shower separately, even if Dean complains about it for a while, and continue getting ready. They have a small dinner, just in case they don't like what's being served at the charity event, and then they start dressing.

Let Seth be the first to tell you that seeing Dean come together in a nice suit is a religious experience. To see him in absolutely nothing is like being new life, but to see him dressed up… Seth doesn't know how he managed to restrain himself. But soon, Seth's hair is pulled into a perfect bun and Dean's hair is slicked back. They're both looking at the other like they wanted to completely forget about the event and just stay in, but…

"We better get going," Dean says, before Seth can say anything. He was the one who was the most anxious to go and it didn't really make since to Seth, but he went with it. They head out to Seth's car and – after a brief argument with their GPS that Roman had gotten them the year before – were headed towards the building they needed to be at. Dean just kept getting more fidgety the closer they got. When Seth is parking, Dean is practically bouncing in his seat.

Seth was almost tempted to take them right back home if this was how Dean was going to be. He wasn't worried so much about being embarrassed by the shorter-haired male so much as Dean beating himself up if he didn't make a good impression. Dean, however, was getting out of the car before Seth could say anything. Seth is quick to follow, locking the car behind them and moving to try and provide Dean some comfort. It proved not to be needed, however. The thing about Dean that Seth always forgot is when he really needed to, he could school his emotions with the best of them. This time was no exception.

Dean meets Seth at the back of the car and is grinning at him as if he hadn't just been having close to a nervous breakdown in the car. He slips his hand into Seth's without hesitation, causing Seth's heart to flutter against his best efforts to control it.

"Let's head on inside then, shall we?" He asks, his voice a low rumble that sends a shiver down Seth's spine, but all he can do is smile and nod.

It's almost surreal as it happens. They walk up the stairs to the front doors of this immaculate building, hand in hand, and as they pass through the front doors, they are nearly instantaneously enveloped by people. No one was really paying them any mind so much as trying to get from one place to another. Seth recognized a great majority of the people who were there as people who had passed by in the office. No one who really was worth anything, but Dean's grip on his hand tightens nonetheless.

"Seth!" comes a familiar voice, sounding distant but pronounced. There's a brief silence that flickers across the room of people before conversation continues once more. Seth's eyes search the room for a moment, looking for the source of the voice, before his eyes land on Mr. Helmsley, who is waving him over.

Mr. Helmsley standing with his own wife – one of the members of the board and the next in line to be the owner of the company – and a few of Seth's coworkers. One such coworker was the Director of Operations, Kane; another was the VP of Development, Randy. Seth is immediately waving back as soon as he spots them. It's without any sort of prompting that Dean is moving with him towards them.

No one seems really all that surprised that Seth's plus-one is a male. In fact, Mr. Helmsley's smile doesn't look any different from normal as he glances down at Seth and Dean's interlocked hands. "This the plus-one, then?" He asks, his champagne glass in a steady hand. Seth gives a sheepish smile and a nod, looking over at Dean, who looks back at him with a bright grin before offering a hand to Seth's boss. Mr. Helmsley doesn't hesitate in offering his hand to Dean with a, "Hunter Helmsley. Pleasure to meet you…?"

Dean is moving immediately to shake Mr. Helmsley's hand, replying with, "Dean Ambrose, sir. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Dean?" Mr. Helmsley repeats, his brows shooting up some. "I'm guessing since you said _finally_ meet me, you must be the friend I always heard about from Roman."

"The exact one," Dean confirms with a grin, shifting a bit closer to Seth, and Seth isn't even sure that he realizes it. "I've known Roman almost as long as I've known this one." Dean affectionately bumps Seth some, causing Seth to smile wide, ducking his head down some. "This one right here… He's something special. I mean, of course, I bet you've noticed. He and Ro have that… hard working mind."

Seth wants to squirm from the compliments, his cheeks heating up some as he chances a glance at Dean to see him looking at him like he hung the stars. It's not the first time Seth's caught Dean looking at him like this. It is the first time that he hasn't looked away.

"We were actually just discussing how well Seth has been doing before you two showed up. We're very impressed with his work. I love having a worker who is always willing to do what it takes to achieve success," Mr. Helmsley is saying, putting an arm around his wife, who is smiling sweetly before sipping at her champagne. "Hell, you've even managed to get Randy to like you so far. That's a feat in itself." A ringing laugh passes through the four members of Authority in front of them, Seth giving a charming smile and Dean grinning some. This wasn't so bad.

They ended up conversing for a long time afterwards, Dean and Mr. Helmsley getting into a deep conversation about _everything_ , really. It was only when _Vince McMahon_ showed up that there was a disperse, because there was a very large movement of action as everyone tried to go suck up. Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley move quickly to try to keep the crowd away from the older man, Randy and Kane moving in tow.

"They're pretty cool," Dean allows after a moment, his hand slipping from Seth's only to press to the small of his back as they move towards a refreshment table. "I expected them to be more high-strung. I think your boss really liked me."

"I think he likes you more than he likes me," Seth jokes softly, Dean grinning some as he grabs a glass of champagne. "Thank you for coming tonight. It… It really means a lot to me."

"You act like you thought I wouldn't," Dean grumbles before taking a drink of the beverage. Seth just looks at him, trying to portray the fact that he _hadn't_ thought Dean would come onto his face. Dean lowers the glass again, glancing at Seth. "… You really thought I wouldn't come?"

"You get squeamish when I mention anything like this," Seth explains softly, picking up his own drink now and giving a smile at a passing couple. He doesn't even recognize them, but they smile back. "I mean, you've been getting better, but… I don't know. Acting like you're my boyfriend? Thought it might be a bit much."

Dean seems to allow this explanation, but only for a moment. He turns his head afterwards, removing his hand from Seth's back to rub at his neck. Seth watches him closely for a moment. Then, Dean speaks. "I… I thought I was?" is what is offered, softly as if Dean was afraid to speak it.

The words floor Seth for a moment. He's left looking at Dean, probably looking as if he had been told the most shocking statement in the world; he has to remind himself to close his mouth. Dean thought he _was Seth's boyfriend_? That… That actually explains everything. From Dean being relieved that Seth hadn't found _some sucker at that place_ ; that _this wasn't done_ ; to how Dean had been slowly moving himself into Seth's apartment and getting gradually more romantic.

"Oh," is all Seth can utter for a long time. Dean was starting to get antsy, looking at Seth like he was begging for him to expand. Seth was still gathering his words when _Vince McMahon_ and Mr. Helmsley were suddenly right there.

"This is him!" Mr. Helmsley is saying, waving at Seth, who has to snap himself out of his shock and give a blindingly charming smile. "Seth Rollins, Vince. He's one of our newest additions and he's already almost performing at the rate I was when I started out. He's dedicated, he's smart, and he's young."

"Exactly the three things that we're looking for right now," Vince says appreciatively, offering a hand to Seth, who is shaking it immediately. This night was just _surreal_ , honestly. "Glad to see that this generation isn't completely made of men who aren't willing to work. And who is this?"

Vince's attention had turned to Dean, who was lingering a bit awkwardly to Seth's side. Mr. Helmsley is going to speak when Seth grabs Dean's hand and laces their fingers together. "This is my partner, Dean Ambrose," Seth is introducing immediately, his smile turning sincere in the moment he looks at Dean. When Dean looks back at him, his smile is bright.

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 _ **The ending isn't the best, but I felt like I was prolonging it and I didn't know how I would have ended it otherwise!**_

 _ **Reviews are the way to my heart!**_

 ** _~Ash_**


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